Have you checked your foundation lately?

When working with clients, I explain how trust is essential in all healthy relationships.

Without trust as the foundational piece, the walls of any marriage will come crumbling down.

Foundational trust in a relationship works similar to a solid foundation found in any home.

I once owned a 50’s bungalow that sat in an earthquake zone here on the west coast. The hairline cracks in the foundation bore witness to several “small” earthquakes we had experienced over the years. When I was the new owner of this little 1950’s house, it soon became apparent that the structure needed some major work both inside and out. The stucco, eaves troughs, and windows needed replacing and the hollow walls needed insulating. The “to-do-list” kept growing.  You might say it was a “fixer upper.”

And yes, it all seemed overwhelming at first.

So I sat myself down and asked the question, “What is the first priority?”

I was itching to transform the garish stucco colour from a beastly blue into a lovely lemon cream.  And was raring to go on tearing down the decaying deck and transforming it into an inviting porch.  Facing reality, I knew I had to start from the foundation up.

With a strong flashlight in hand and a determined brow, I crept my way to the dark basement.

I had to face the truth. The cracks in the foundation walls needed immediate attention.

And that’s where the work began, from the bottom up.

The years have come and gone since that decisive day when I knew I had to do first-things-first.  The foundation walls are now solid and dry, the new deck is delightful, the new eavestroughs drain right and yes, that little bungalow is now dressed in a spanking new cheery yellow stucco.  I have been told that my roof might need replacing in five or six years.  For now it works fine.

Any form of betrayal in marriage is like the cracks in the foundation of a house.  Left unaddressed, it will rupture the walls of your marriage and will eventually erode any good work you may try to do on the outside (like learning new communication skills).

Like any responsible home owner who would never dream of allowing water to seep into and destroy the basement, please don’t delay in getting all the help you need to address the trauma of betrayal in your marriage.

I’ve been there. I get it.