The dying inside wife

The screeching of the alarm clock startled her awake. Groaning, she pulled the covers over her head.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she swallowed. “I’m just so so tired.”

And with that sober confession came another stark admission. She was spent. Finished. The lights were on and no one was home.

Here she was, a 34 year old wife and mother of two young children. She was also busy working alongside her husband in ministry as his colleague and personal assistant.

You get the picture

For many wives, dealing with the reality that their husbands have been sexually acting out, again, can be overwhelming and terrifying.

You may have tried to cope for years.  You may have ranted, raged, sobbed and begged him to stop.

Your tears turned to resentment. The anger slowly dissolved into depression.

Self loathing fills your being.  You cringe at the person you are becoming.

And then one day you start to get the picture.

With both feet planted firmly on the ground, you tell him straight,

You say what?!!

If a woman asked you if she should always obey her husband, how would you respond? Your position on this will depend on your beliefs and personal experiences up to now.

Some of you might be shaking your heads saying, “What kind of question is that?! Wake up, girl! We live in the 21st Century!”

And right you are. We live in a country where women have earned the right to vote, inherit property, raise children on their own, choose their own profession and even walk and chew gum while chatting on their cell phone! We also live in a multi-cultural world where many people hold fast to their own unique belief systems.

Some of you, because of your background, will quietly nod your head and think, “Yes, women should obey their husbands. Period. End of story.”

My take? That is NOT the end of the story!

For those women who sincerely struggle with this very question (and believe me, I still hear women from different cultures ask this of me), allow me to share a little of my own story from the past . . .

How was Mother’s Day for you?

Me at 5 years old in grade one

Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for many. Some of us hold fond memories of our growing up years. Others prefer not to “go back there” because of the pain.  It’s true; we can’t control or change the past. So that leaves us with the present.

We are left with a choice . . .

In my life journey, I ask myself,

How can I take what was sad and use it for good in my life moving forward?

Here is a little of my own story, past, present and future . . .

I was 5 years old when this grade one school photo was taken. My Mom had trimmed my bangs and carefully braided my hair for the occasion. I remember how excited I was when she offered to pin that beloved broach on my sweater. I felt so grown up!!  She was one creative woman as she re-designed that little green and white button-up cardigan by placing it on me – backwards!  So innovative she was!

The matter of trust: How do you know he is really sorry?

This article will address the dilemma a wife faces when she has been sexually betrayed by her husband.  Voices from all sides urge her to do the decent thing; she should forgive him and she should not judge lest she be judged.

She suffers in silence while she listens sweetly to her well-meaning friends.  But something stands in the way of her reconciling with her  husband.  She simply cannot trust him.  Not yet.  Can’t they see that?  Doesn’t anyone understand her grief?

Where do you feel most at home?

As a volunteer clinician with BC Disaster Psychosocial (DPS) Services, I was honoured to serve both civilians and first responders in Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada – a city devastated by fire . . . here are some of my reflections on my week in Fort Mac . . .

Journal Entry – July 2016 – Ucluelet, BC

There’s no place like home!

I will never forget Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, who declared those powerful words as she gazed into the eyes of her loving family and friends.

And to think that her family home had just been destroyed in a violent storm!

Deep in Dorothy’s heart, she knew she had truly come home.

Do you feel you need to pretend?

The month was February and my dream of ever seeing my three-decades’ long marriage survive had come to an end.

My painful divorce was soon to take place.

My heart was breaking.  Believing I might receive some solace by attending worship, I put on a brave face and drove to church. Here is my journal entry from that day and a portion of an email I sent to my safe supports . . .

Where have I been all my life?!

I paused midway on my very first prayer path experience with the Labyrinth.

Thoughts raced.  Ideas bounced up and down demanding my attention.

That’s just it.  I had to stop projecting into the future and wondering how much time it was taking me to complete this goal.  It dawned on me as I slowly walked barefoot, that this was a journey not to be rushed; this was a sacred experience.  I was to be present in the “now.”