You say what?!!

If a woman asked you if she should always obey her husband, how would you respond? Your position on this will depend on your beliefs and personal experiences up to now.

Some of you might be shaking your heads saying, “What kind of question is that?! Wake up, girl! We live in the 21st Century!”

And right you are. We live in a country where women have earned the right to vote, inherit property, raise children on their own, choose their own profession and even walk and chew gum while chatting on their cell phone! We also live in a multi-cultural world where many people hold fast to their own unique belief systems.

Some of you, because of your background, will quietly nod your head and think, “Yes, women should obey their husbands. Period. End of story.”

My take? That is NOT the end of the story!

For those women who sincerely struggle with this very question (and believe me, I still hear women from different cultures ask this of me), allow me to share a little of my own story from the past . . .

The year was 1987. I was a new wife within a new belief system.  My then husband was also part of that same belief system.

So I thought.

Shortly after we were married, he had assured me that he, “had been delivered from his decades’ long pornography addiction” and that he was now a new man.

In my innocence, I believed his words.

And then came the day when I was faced with the same question . . . whether or not to obey my husband.

Journal Entry

Thursday, October 22, 1987 at 6:00 AM
 – Winnipeg, Manitoba

He insisted I read a true story about a prostitute who had sex with a famous evangelical pastor.  This article was published in a popular porn magazine. He said I’ll learn from it.
It really made me ill to read it.
I’m really sorry now that I looked at this article. Just thinking about it makes me sick.
I feel shame and guilt for exposing myself to this dark exposé of an obviously hurt and damaged woman’s experience.


Who was this woman and why did this story upset me so much?

You see, my husband “found” this article at his workplace front desk and repeatedly, yes repeatedly directed me to look at it.

Problem was, he “just happened to discover” this article in a porn magazine! When I had voiced my revulsion of said article, especially where it came from, he dismissed and minimized my concerns.

“Don’t be so narrow minded!” was the not so hidden message I heard.

He would not take no for an answer.

He wanted me to be made aware of the sexual sins of certain high profile Christian leaders.  I told him I did not need to read such an article to learn there was sin in the church.

My deeper concern was that my husband had chosen to flip through a porn magazine.  He had only months before testified on a live national program that he had been, “delivered from the spirit of pornography!”

Something did NOT add up.
And at the time, I was too blind to see the full picture.

That’s what happens when you don’t know the FULL story.

So, back to this dear woman’s question, “Should I always obey my husband?”

My bottom line?

Whether or not you are a woman of faith, if you are being told to do something that clearly compromises your relationship with your Higher Power, please stop and ask yourself this,

You say what?!! What is really going on here?
Get the full story!

Louise works as a professional counsellor in her native Canada. Through her private practice, in online forums, and through public speaking and writing, her work is about helping others find hope and healing in their lives. When her first three-decades’ long marriage ended in divorce because of ongoing sexual betrayal, Louise knew in her heart that she was to use this painful experience for the good of others. Many of her clients are women who have experienced the trauma of sexual betrayal. They know Louise “gets” their pain; this helps them not feel so alone in their journey of healing. Louise is finally happily married to a man who loves and respects her for being herself.

Last Modified on February 4, 2018
This entry was posted in Recovery
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